Now that the initial four posts have set the stage: heartbroken, post-breakup, don’t yet “know myself”, so ready to be single, yada, yada, we can get to the good stuff!
So yes. I’ve already had a few sexcapades. My first bought of rebound sex is one I, unfortunately, cannot write about, as it’s sort of a sensitive issue still. (Not my fault your best friend wanted it). Anyway..
My second and more content-worthy fling is one that is, really, a great fuckin’ story, but I can’t really divulge too much here either, because some key events took place within the boundaries of my past relationship… NO, I didn’t do anything “bad” but let’s just jump to the post-breakup fun shall we?
So yeah, we met at a place over the Summer and had already known each other. He was 29 and a doctor. Well, surgeon. He’s still a surgeon, but now he’s 30, which is a lot more fun for me to say on Snapchat.
Basically, I had hit him up post- heartbreak, we met for drinks, met for drinks again two days later, and the following morning I’m waking up in a really comfy bed on W. 55th with the more-than-satisfying scent of rubber in the air. Rubber and Maryjane. Interesting combo. We had a good night. Three times. The next morning I woke up in the same place, to the same scent, this time wearing a soft, over-sized shirt..(Men get super polite when you’re generous). He’s attractive, fun to meet up with, and definitely not the worst the next morning either, but a fling’s a fling so we’ll see.
Cut to, my first Tinder date last night! Though I wish something crazy interesting happened, so that I could write about it, that was ultimately not the case. He looked like his pictures, was cute and the conversation started out really well. It wasn’t the most compelling talk I’ve ever had over vodka sodas, but when those vodka sodas are free and abundant it starts to sound a lot better. That was until he took his first misstep. We were talking about podcasts, (you can take the girl out of Newhouse but you can’t take the Newhouse out of the girl), and all of the sudden he’s talking about this podcast these women do, where they talk about sex.
As a former, and now, well, current, sex blogger, I was all ears! Yasssss Kweeeen I’m saying in my head, getting clearly aroused at the notion of kick-ass bitches, sitting in an acoustic room discussing blowjobs, rimjobs and whatever else these lovely, smart and TALENTED women so choose to discuss.
Then… he says it. He speaks in a tone that I can only equate to one Tim Gunn would speak in if he were, instead, a retired frat boy with only a couple friends and no ex’s to speak of.. “sensationalist” he calls it. “Obnoxious” he utters.
“I get it… you have sex, it’s just like, do you need to talk about it like that and be so raunchy about it”.
If I were a cartoon character I’d be the baby- blue Powerpuff girl who suddenly bursts into flames of rage and blasts through the ceiling of the establishment only to land on my own two feet no more than 10 yards away.
But I’m not. I’m a woman, which means I’m not meant to “cause a scene”.. So instead of bursting into flames and leaving by way of ceiling, I instead took a long sip of my drink and put a look on face that can only be classified as amused disgust.
Knowing he’d taken a total misstep, he put his foot in his mouth and tried to recover by making me feel awkward for feeling offended. Oh, how 21st century white male of you!!
Conversation never recovered after that and, though he definitely wasn’t the worst guy in the world, or even the worst I could’ve gone out with, it’s pretty safe to say we won’t be sipping well drinks again anytime soon.
So I just went home that night, feeling a little off and more than anything disappointed, and ate a bag of Pirate’s Booty while watching Gossip Girl.
I woke up in the morning to a 1 a.m. text on my phone from Dr. Bae, (as my co-workers so hilariously took to calling him after I came in the next day with a glow that only 3x in a night can provide), and decided that being single in NY is, if nothing else, entertaining.
So that’s where things are at! Are we all caught up? Flinging with a doctor, Tindering with randos and pushing the pain of this breakup out of my head with significant effort each day.
Just because I’m no longer penning it doesn’t mean it’s gone away. But this won’t be a blog about heartbreak. It will be one about dating, sex, relationships!!
Oh, and it will be sensationalist for sure 😉