Sticks and Stones

Yesterday at 5:04 p.m. I was in the middle of a timely reporting project for my boss. Thinking I was never going to leave the office and make it to my “Absolution” class, I wasn’t in great spirits. That said, you can imagine the groan I let out upon hearing the email noise permeate through my Mac’s speakers. 

“What now”, I said through a sigh so dramatic you’d think it was my third take. To my excitement, it was a notification that someone left a comment on my blog. 

“Yasss!” I thought to myself. It was great to see someone engaging with my poor, neglected blog, as I hardly have the time or energy to update it enough, and haven’t really been churning out compelling content as of late. 

When I opened the email my heart dropped into my stomach straight Tower of Terror style and I felt my pulse climb to an Orange Theory class rate. 

The comment was left by someone named Oliver, a name I haven’t read in months. A name that, apparently, still holds enough merit to misalign my major organs yet again.  

I tried to regain cognitive composure enough to read the comment:

“Step right up folks, watch a walmart brand Sarah Michelle Gellar try to repress her insecurities by using dating apps to chase the feeling of superiority that comes with rejecting someone without going through the hassle of actually dating them. Watch her try to bolster her web presence with screenshots of her conversations that make light of mental illness and alcoholism while trying to guess how many venereal diseases she’s got under her belt.”

Pretty nasty, huh? Upon initial digestion, I spent way too much time fixated on the Sarah Michelle Gellar line. She’s been irrelevant for nearly a decade now, so that comparison was sort of out of left field, but then again I guess so was the whole mental illness, alcoholism, gonorrhea implication thing…

Suffice to say, it was a scathing comment. Whoever had written this had a real distaste for me, and also a really good creative writing screen-shot-2016-10-05-at-8-57-30-amprofessor.. ( I mean, shy of a few run-ons it’s so well-written I almost thought it was me publicly roasting myself). 

But what’s a mean comment now and then? It’s what we should anticipate, right? As people who openly display their emotions and their habits to the public, one should anticipate random internet trolls, or immature prudes or jealous women commenting nasty and scathing things. It’s just the name of the game. Right? 

But what was so unique about this random, long-form insult, was that it didn’t come from any internet troll. No, this display of apparent hatred came from someone with true malicious intent. 

What makes me say that?

Well, for starters, whoever this was left the comment under the username Oliver, the name of my ex that I was openly and poetically heartbroken over for nearly a full calendar year. Secondly, this truly bored and sad being left the comment from the gmail account ““. He or she clearly forgot the “e”, but it’s not an accident that their email address is “I love”, and then my last name/ Instagram name.

This individual made this email address displaying “love” for me, just to leave a comment that portrays something more than opposite. 

I should applaud this person for the amount of effort they put into this act of hate.. I feel sort of flattered that he or she knows enough about me to be so inclined to make the username something so upsetting, and the email address something so disturbing. 

To whoever you are, and I can address you directly because you clearly read my blog, (and I imagine over, and over again), I’m afraid to report to you that your act of maliciousness had probably the most opposite effect. 

After I spoke out about what was devised and written for me to see, the inpouring of support and anti-hate that came in was enough to reverse the effects of your eloquent insults, and then some. 

Maybe you didn’t care at all how you affected me. Maybe you were just bored, or did it on a whim. Whatever your intention, I’m appreciative of your comment because it gave me the fuel I needed to propel forward, continue sharing my experiences, and continue writing. 

Because what’s writing if you think no one reads, and you think you’re irrelevant? Thank you, from the one genuine bone in my body, thank you, for proving to me that, at least to you, I couldn’t be farther from it. 


7 thoughts on “Sticks and Stones

  1. That nasty post was in response to your blog about using guys for free drinks and basically being a dick to them, toying with their affections. It wasn’t your standard unjustified misogynistic drive-by on a random instagram hot chick. You basically asked for it.

    On a side note, I find it charming that you think he forgot the “e” in that email.

    Anyway, if he had actually threatened you in any way, that would not have been justified. But he didn’t; it was just an internet flame. The only questionable bit was using your ex’s name, but you were public about that so it isn’t really scary either. You have no particular reason to be concerned about your safety here.

    But maybe you SHOULD be a little bit nicer? Or at least, more anonymous.


  2. Literally no one should be defending the actions of whoever posted that comment, trying to use the defense “everyone has a right to their opinion and that was in response to how you treat guys” etc. is rediculous. First of all, it’s 2016, don’t you think it’s about time to stop slut shaming and ridiculing women for doing what men having been doing for ages? its YOUR life and you have every right to live it however you want. And secondly, if someone is that upset about what you write, maybe don’t read it? It’s that simple. I personally love your posts and think you’re Doug pretty awesome with it all, but no one is forcing anyone to read them so leaving mean things like that – especially with the use of that username – is just awful and mean. Just keep doing you, and ignore the mean bitter jealous people. (Sorry for such a long comment)


    1. Easy to lose nuance in text communication. I didn’t mean to imply the nasty post was OK. It definitely isn’t, and her own poor behavior doesn’t deserve such a response. It’s the reality of anonymous jerks on the internet. Posts like that are like throwing bread into a bunch of ducks. The ducks are gonna go crazy!

      When I talk about her behavior I’m referring to treating men like ATMs, toying with their affections, and just basically being mean to them, not banging a bunch of random dudes off tinder. I’m all for that, do whatever you want, just don’t hurt or take advantage of anyone.

      And maybe don’t feed the ducks under your real name. It’s not primarily about safety. Protect your privacy as this stuff could come back to bite you in 10 years.


  3. For what it’s worth, I enjoy your Snaps. I’m not even sure how I ended up following you, but enjoy watching because they almost always give me a good laugh. Like your blog, they are also provide great insights into what life’s like for a single intelligent woman trying to make it in the city. So don’t sweat the haters. Do your thing.


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